Gratefully "Locked-In"

When I was about 13, we had a "lock-in" at church. The entire church was open to us, with parents and other adult leaders "stationed" throughout and after the specified time, no one coming in, no one going out. Church, that night, became something new to me. It had an entirely different feel than it did on Saturday morning confirmation class, or Sunday morning worship. The whole church was "home". It wasn't dressed up and on it's best behavior. It was wearing it's comfy jeans and being everyday-real. We could wander (within reason) where we chose. In some areas, kids were loud and having fun, in other areas, lights were dimly lit, beautiful music was softly playing. Our youth groups and chaperones were the only people there. It was an old church, with several places where the new addition was attached to the old original church. I remember my friends and I walking the labyrinth from the "new" Parish Hall, where the main events of the lock-in were happening, to the "old" Sanctuary. It was late late at night, and we each took our own pew, laying down and stretching out and just sort of meditating there, closing our eyes and listening to the music. What I began to feel was like nothing I had ever felt before. Calm, peace, love, washed over me that was absolutely full and complete. This room, where I had participated (as well as day-dreamed) through so many worship services and which was usually so full of congregants, was much more than it had ever been before. God's presence in my life became more real in those moments. God was there in that room for me. Not asking anything, not telling me anything, just there, with me.

As I grew up, I participated more and less to varying degrees in church communities. In college, I experienced what I considered an almost devastating question of faith and spirituality and I worked through that, with much prayer and consideration. I went many years then, with unwavering faith, but with no active participation in any church, like lots of young people do. Later, I was married in the church and as I began raising children, practicing my faith within a church community became important and so I sought one out that felt comfortable and supported my faith.

I have found a church home again. It's one that leads me comfortably back to a place that is like the one I found when I was 13. Now, I realize happily that I'm re-discovering that old "just there" relationship with God - and that I enjoy being more than "just-there" with my faith.

It's such a joyful discovery. And, one that I hope I can share with my children as they get older. So, if ever they participate in a "lock-in" and need chaperones, I look forward to playing my part. Look for me in the sanctuary, hangin' out with God.